Asking this question “is he the one?” shows that there is uncertainty or confusion on the person you feel to be the one you should get married to. Sometime you may feel that being lead to a particular person, but the question still stands: is he the one?
It may be possible that you have heard a still, small voice yourself. It may have been more like thunder. Perhaps you received an unconfirmed prophetic word delivered by another believer. An interested man may claim to have heard from God about you. You may be wondering if it was God who visited you in that dream about marrying that special guy. You might be curious to know just who has been posting those little signs you’ve noticed. Maybe it’s more of a subtle leading you feel, as if your heavenly Father keeps pointing you in a certain man’s direction. These are all scriptural ways God has been known to communicate with His people, but the question is always: WAS IT REALLY GOD?
It can be painful to realize we haven’t heard from God as we had hoped. Let’s acknowledge the fact that He wants us to learn to distinguish His voice from the voices of any others, knowing it’s for our ultimate good.
When we ask if God is saying a particular person is The One that means that there is at least some level of uncertainty or confusion: Was it the voice of the enemy? Was it the voice of my heart’s desire? Was it the voice of a man, speaking out of his interest in me? Was it just my friend’s hope for me talking? Or was it, indeed, the voice of God, who knows and loves us best? Just as the Scripture says, God doesn’t want us to be confused about what He’s saying to us. When He does speak, He wants us to know it’s from Him. On the other hand, He wants to help clear up any misunderstanding when it’s not His voice we’re hearing. Sometimes, it can take a while to sort out just who said what. So, it’s best not to act on what we believe we’re hearing until God has clearly confirmed Himself.
Who Are You Really Listening To?
We have watched Christians make decisions that have produced alarming self-inflicted wounds. In each case, they did what they did because they firmly believed God was the one who called, led or inspired them to do so. But in the end, they married the wrong person.
When You Follow the Lord’s Voice:
The Lord is never going to lead you to divorce court, ministry failure. Under no circumstances will He lead you into marital turmoil, and embarrassment. If you find yourself trapped in one of those traumatic moments in time, just know that the voice of the Holy Spirit DID NOT lead you there! You got there because you listened to or followed the wrong voice, or you made a bad decision.
In every decision that you are called to make and in every situation that you are faced with, there is always going to be five different voices speaking to you.
(1) The voice of God: God’s voice is line up with Scripture and with His various names: Comforter, Counselor, Teacher, Giver of Life, Healer and Deliverer. His thoughts edify, exhort, and comfort. They are pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering (James 3:17). God does not usually speak to us so that we can hear Him with our ears. God usually speaks so that we can hear Him with our hearts! There are six ways that God speaks to us so that we can hear Him with our hearts. God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit, the Bible, prayer, the Church, circumstances and the path of life.
(2) The voice of your conscience: Your conscience is the place where you recognize the difference between what is right versus what is wrong. It is the place where you establish morals and values, or where you reject good morals and values and become reprobate in your mind. Your conscience is going to fall into one of the four categories:
(a) A good conscience, (I Timothy 1:5 and Acts 24:16)
(b) A weak conscience, (I Corinthians 8:7)
(c) A seared conscience, (I Timothy 4:2)
(d) A evil conscience, (Hebrews 10:22)
This next point should be obvious. The voice of your conscience is good to listen to as long as you have a good conscience, but when a person has a weak, seared or evil conscience, it would be unadvisable for them to follow the voice of their conscience.
(3) The voice of your reasoning: The Lord God has given us the ability to reason. We have that ability so that we may rationally consider all options, blessings and curses, obstacles, situations, consequences, advantages versus disadvantages and profits versus losses. You can always tell when you are listening to the voice of your reasoning because you will weigh the things you see and hear in the natural. You will deliberate and think things through, and afterwards, make your decision. Caution: if the answer of your mind contradicts the Written Word, or contradicts what God has said to you, then you must abandon the voice of your reasoning,
(4) The voice of your flesh: Your flesh speaks to you constantly. Any time you follow the voice of your flesh, the net result will always be negative.
(5) The voice of the devil: If you hear: fear, confusion, torment, doubt, justification of sin, etc., you don’t have to pray about it or seek counseling. You are listening to the voice of the devil!
In most cases, each voice is going to lead you in the opposite direction of the voice of God. The sincere Christians who consistently miss God’s voice, either: (a) don’t know about all of these five voices, or (b) they have not learned how to discern which voice is speaking. Each voice has a distinct sound and is easily discernable once you know what to listen for.
Father in heaven,
You are so great and I am so unworthy. But I thank you that you call me your daughter. It’s amazing to think about what Jesus said, that His sheep would hear His voice. I know I’m just one of many sheep in your pasture, but I want to hear you, just like Jesus said I would. Help me to recognize when it’s you speaking. Teach me the difference between your voice and any other voices I may hear. I open my ears to hear You, Lord, whatever you have to say. I welcome you to share your truth with me, even if it’s not something I want to hear. Confirm yourself to me through Scripture and godly counsel. Help me to be sure of your guidance in my specific situation.
No matter what, I want your very best for me. No matter what, I am grateful to hear from you. Speak, Lord. Your servant is listening.
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION: “IS HE THE ONE?” YOU NEED TO DISCERN THE VOICE THAT SPOKE TO YOU.
“And let two or three prophets speak, and let the others pass judgment…and the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets; for God is not a God of confusion, but of peace…” I Corinthians 14:29, 32–33
It was prophetic when God’s angel encouraged Joseph to take Mary as his wife (Matthew 1:20). And it’s just as surely prophetic communication if and when God truly speaks to this choice today.
If a voice speaks to you about your love life, ask yourself: does what I’m hearing about this man line up with what has been well established as God’s truth of the Bible? Any message that is really from heaven will stand up to the test of Scripture. It will also pass muster with godly counsel.
Paul’s instructions about submitting prophetic words to the discerning ears of other witnesses is echoed in his second letter to the Corinthian church: “At the mouth of two witnesses or three shall every word be established?” II Corinthians 13:1 ASV
You may be having some wishes on the type of person you want to marry. It may look very difficult to find such a person wish to have, but it is not out of point to commit your wishes to the Lord.
“Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
In light of this promise that the Lord will give us the desires of our hearts if we will first delight ourselves in Him, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to ask God about what can be the deepest desire of our hearts: to be known and loved by another person, a man of God’s own choosing.
HERE ARE THREE THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN CHOOSING YOUR MATE:
- Remember that marriage doesn’t change a person’s character. If a person had a bad character before marriage, that person will still have a bad character after marriage.
- Remember that marriage is for life. If you buy a bad T-shirt or an ill-fitting dress, it will wear out and you can buy another. But if you marry the wrong man or woman, you cannot change that person. You are now committed to that person as long as you both shall live.
- Remember that when you have strong feelings about a person or a thing, it is not easy to find out the will of God about that person or thing. Therefore, before your feelings become too strong for you, you should earnestly pray to the Lord, “Savior, choose my partner in life for me. Perform your will, not mine, in my life.”
Perhaps there’s been no thundering voice from heaven, not even a whisper to let you know, once and for all, if this man is The One for you. Indeed, there are times when God speaks definitively about a matter, but when He doesn’t, it’s time to apply what He’s already said through His Word, and to use the mind He gave you to make the best choice you can. It can also help to seek biblical counsel from mature believers who may be able to add a more objective viewpoint. Know that God is not the author of any relational confusion you may feel (I Corinthians 14:33). If you are more confused than peaceful about the choice of a man, wait. No matter how pressed you may feel by circumstances, the expectations of your family and friends, your biological clock, or even a man’s desire to marry you, this is not a decision to be made from the pressure-cooker of confusion. Of course, no human knows just what the future holds, so you’ll never be sure of exactly what’s ahead. What you do need to be sure of is that, whatever is in store, you are ready to commit absolutely to stand by your choice of a husband.